coffee with Bob

When I woke up Tuesday morning, "Bob" was a name in the church database.

Known to me only by his "pertinent information." Family relationships, important dates, contact information.
Me and Bob were like this…

Not.

When I woke up Wednesday morning, I met Bob. He had called and said he was relatively new to the church, and he'd like to meet me. So, we met face to face. I looked him in his eyes. Shook his hand. Drank coffee with him.

If you're new to a church, or have been there a long time, and have never taken the time to sit down and talk with one of your pastors, let me encourage you to do so…For your pastor's sake.

Here are some thoughts from a pastor's perspective, about conversations like the one I had with Bob.

1. Your pastor is not too busy. This always cracks me up. Hello I'm a pastor with the privileged and honored calling to minister to people. Talking to you is what I do. So please don't apologize for bothering me. I'm not too busy.

2. Your pastor is too busy…Let me explain. Bob kept it simple. "Let's get together and have coffee." While your pastor is not too busy to talk you, his job as a pastor is bigger than talking to you, so keep in manageable. Bob was sensitive to my time and I was sensitive to his. Ask your pastor, "What would work best for you?" I meet with people at all kinds of times which helps me manage my schedule and helps them manage theirs.

3. It won't be awkward. This is not your first date after being matched on E-Harmony for Pete's sake! I know pastors who are introverts, but the nature of most pastors' calling and experience means that "talking to people" is hopefully something they do regularly. If you feel like you're not a good conversationalist, have nothing to talk about, etc., don't let that keep you from connecting with your pastor. The benefits are well worth the risk.

4. Talk about yourself. As a pastor here are some of the things I'm most interested in when I meet new people in a context like this. What/who brought you to our church? What has been your past church experiences? Share some information about your relationship with God. How have you (have you) gotten connected at church? What questions, problems, etc. are you experiencing as you get familiar with the church? Tell me about yourself and your family?
There you have it. Pretty simple eh? That's probably a lot more info. than we can cover over a cup of coffee, but obviously, there's plenty I want to talk about.

5. Don't talk about yourself…too much. Here we go again. Let me explain. Don't be afraid to ask your pastor about his life, family, his dreams and visions for the church.

6. Keep the balance between conversation and counseling. If you're going to drop a bomb on your pastor because of a crisis in your life, let him know that's coming beforehand. But, if you have a spiritual need, and want some advice, by all means take advantage of the opportunity. Some of us get squirrely around pastors and act as if we need to talk in a completely different way. Be yourself! Your pastor will appreciate the genuineness.

7. Be encouragingly critical and encouragingly critical. Be honest if you want to talk about bad things in the church. You are probably seeing things he is not. Pastors I know want to address and work to resolve problems or clarify misunderstandings. At the same time, encourage your pastor. Plan to share one thing with him that you appreciate about the church in general or his ministry in particular. You will never know how much those encouraging words mean to your pastor.

I'm sure there are other things pastors would mention here. If a pastor is reading and feels so compelled please comment.

I'm looking forward to seeing Bob in church this weekend. We already have a lot to talk about.